This is me!

February 27, 2018 Jess Van Zeil No comments exist

Firstly if you have not already seen “The Greatest Showman”, you have to! It’s inspirational, beautiful and heart-warming! I have listened to the soundtrack on repeat ever since I saw the film two weeks ago, and have decided that I need to own the DVD and play it every day for the rest of forever!

It’s a movie about following your dreams, choosing a path that seems a little out of the norm, facing adversity and owning your life. It resonated with me and this crazy but exciting path I have been on.
BUT there was one song or more like anthem that had me tearing up and sitting on the edge of my seat. “This is me” even when you take away the incredible vocals by Keala Settle the lyrics strike deep into my soul. It takes me back to when I felt on the outs, the day I found out I had to lose my eye and I knew from that moment on my life would never be the same. I remember being so scared of being broken, different and unwanted. I thought I would lose friends and family because I stuck out. I was truly afraid that I would never be loved and never feel beautiful again.

I had a month from when I was told I needed this surgery to when I actually had to go through with it. In that time I realised I had two choices; to hide away, or to find a way to own it, to stand up and be able to say “this is me, this is what I’ve been through, my scars are here to prove I chose life above everything else!” I just had to work out a fun, sassy way to do so. I decided instead of hiding or being ashamed I needed to face my situation with confidence… or at least to make people believe I was confident, happy and proud of the way I looked. #fakeittillyoumakeit

The first year was hard, every day I put on a patch and a big bright smile, but it used to hit hard when people down the street would stare, point or loudly make fun of me for being a pirate or weird. I felt like on my good days I could brush it off but on the days when I was already feeling self-conscious or ashamed it just ripped me down. I would feel tears well up, I’d find myself staring at the ground and trying to hide. Eventually, I realised it actually didn’t matter what they thought, I realised I didn’t want to be associated with people who would judge me before they had even spoken to me. I was proud of the person I was, the things I had faced and the way I looked! Yes, it was different, I did stand out but this is me now.

I stopped noticing what other people would do or say and started focusing on me and how I could become the person I knew I wanted to be.

I am her. I am powerfully positive. I am ridiculously resilient. I am now happier than I have ever been, since I stopped trying to fit in and started owning who I am.

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