Being single and being happily single are two very different mindsets and I have been both. When I look back at the times where I have been single I can see a very clear difference from how I used to be and how I am today. The old Jess hated being single, I felt alone, unwanted, uncared for and there was this constant nagging at the back of my mind that kept saying ‘you aren’t anyone until somebody else loves you’. It was draining because every date I went on I was looking for the next knight in shining Armour to sweep me off my feet and be my perfect match and when they fell short and when it inevitably ended I was angry, not really at them but that it had happened again ‘what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I keep a man?’ was the mentality I adopted.
It was a vicious cycle that had me either hating men or falling head over heels for a new guy that I had some sort of connection with. It was basic insanity that was driving everything I did, every time I left the house I had to look good because who knows if you will meet Mr. Right shopping for makeup or having coffee with the best friend. I would wake up for Uni extra early to make sure I looked perfect for the day or go clubbing and keep my eye out for any potential suitor. BUT for the life of me, I couldn’t see the answer staring me blankly in the face: There is nothing wrong with you and there is also no need to hate every man on earth just because it hasn’t worked out with a very small handful of them! This is when I realised the elusive “they” were right when they said ‘to find love you first need to love yourself’!
At the start, I rolled my eyes, bleh how ridiculous and airy fairy is that, of course, I love myself, hell I treat myself to new shoes regularly! With time, however, I have found while I loved my life I hadn’t realised that I am not just Jess, I’m amazing! I’m kind, I’m brave, I’m strong, I’m smart and I have a very pretty eye colour ;). The more I focused on my fantastic qualities the more I found. It was like being in a long-term relationship and these findings made me fall deeper and deeper in love with who I am not just the life I live.
This is how I found myself no longer longing for someone else to fill that void and when I went from being single to happily single. I am now so focused on myself; my goals, my personal development and my life. I am living my life for the most important person, me! I no longer feel dragged down by the constant search for Mr. Right because I have started to live in the moment and started directing all that wasted energy in a new and far more appreciative direction (I love you Channing Tatum but I love me more).
I know one day I will be blindsided, probably on my left side, by the real Mr. Right but until then I’m going to enjoy being my own soul mate because baby, I’m worth it!